Tuesday, November 11, 2008

God is still working with me

My doctor called today with the results of my many tests.

I do believe that my cancer has been a spiritual re-birth and I am just not done yet growing. That’s what my doctor told me today when he called...

Well not those words, what he told me is: “the cancer is not all gone yet.”

In other words: I'm not done growing. It’s hard not to write about all the details, but I believe this blog will be a better place if I don’t. Because I do enough theorizing about my cancer, I don’t need another place or a public to do more. I’ve grown since my diagnosis last year and I do see things in a different perspective. I’m coming to terms that after all the tests in the world—things are often times inconclusive.

Doctors can’t constantly validate me, neither can tests. I can’t continually dissect what they tell me and how they do so. I do have more faith with the more experience I get, but I could get a lot more. I will work on that. God and I will work on that.

When I don’t know every single answer, I need to, more than ever—trust in God.

In the meantime, more treatment and prayer are in order for me.

2 comments:

Zeller Family said...

I am praying for you Marlena. You are a beautiful writer and thank you for sharing your story.

Liz & Joe said...

I really enjoyed reading this post, M. I"m of the mind that life itself is the stage on which we are called to realize ourselves to our fullest potential, whatever it may be. It's hard for me to step back and put my obsession for answers to the side for awhile and just "be". I've been told that time for "just being" is equally important as the quest for answers. I haven't always found that to be particularly easy to accept or do. Oh well, I'm still a work in progress too.